


The First Defeat

by Volerian



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 16:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7582411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volerian/pseuds/Volerian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is having a hard time dealing with the loss of Astra at her own hands. With a war approaching will she lay it all on the line?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Defeat

Alex is a wreck, there is no denying it. She's barely holding herself together. Each day she puts on a mask to cover the cracks underneath that will surely tear her apart.

She can still feel the blade, heavy in her hands, sliding into Astra's chest. The shock of the moment, the sadness in the other woman's eyes. How the Kryptonian gently caressed her cheek, calling her Brave One one last time. Telling her to keep on living after she is gone. Her tears fell unchecked but before she knows it Kara is there. She wipes the tears from her eyes and moves back, watching with a heavy guilt ridden heart as Kara says goodbye to some of the only family she has left in this world. All too soon they have to leave and a part of Alex gets left behind that night. A part of her heart and soul.

 

She never told anyone, and never would about how she loved that woman with all that she had. Would have given her everything but they were on opposite sides of a war, a war in which casualties were to be expected. Although Alex never thought it would be by her own hands.

 

The days after were hard, especially when Kara left to read Astra's funeral rights. Alex had never cried so hard in her life. That night was spent drowning her pain and sorrows in the bottom of a bottle.

 

The next morning she woke on the floor an empty bottle of bourbon next to her. It was that day that she vowed to lock her heart away and do what needed to be done. If that put her in harms way so be it.

 

In the following weeks Alex noticed Hank watching her more, watching over her almost. She isn't sure what to think of it but she can only hope he hasn't read her mind. The self loathing and hate swirling in her mind on a daily basis is enough to send anyone to their knees. Yet she keeps it all to herself and keeps living like Astra told her to. The name or a mere mention of her sends a twinge of pain through her heart. If only she could pull it from her chest and mend it, maybe things would be okay.

 

She is steadfast in her work, and strong as a soldier but at home, she lets go of the mask she wears and falls. Sometimes she swears she can hear Astra talking to her, telling her to pull it together. Yet when morning comes she is completely alone.

 

Soon a month has gone by and things are not any easier. Almost to the day of Astra's death Hank pulls her aside.

 

“If you need anything, I mean anything come to me. You are not alone.”

 

Alex looks at him, his eyes filled with understanding. Choking back a biting remark she says one word. “Okay.”

 

Hank looks as if he wants to say more but an agent scurries in and informs them that there is a massive army of aliens on the outskirts of the city.

 

The DEO is in chaos as they race to suit up and get ready for the oncoming fight. Alex grabs the Kryptonian sword and straps it to her back idly wondering if this will be the last time. If today is her last. On one hand she would welcome it but on the other she does not want to leave Kara alone.

 

Shaking her head to clear the thoughts she makes her way to the awaiting DEO vehicles and soon they are rolling out. Alex double checks her guns and weaponry on the ride over. She wants to be sure that everything is in order, and to give herself something else to think of instead of the approaching fight or her dead lover.

 

Instead she takes the time to reflect on her time with the DEO, and with Kara. She clings to the hope that they will all make it out of this battle, that everyone will return home. She knows it is a fool hardy wish but she can't help it. She doesn't want anymore casualties in a war that has already taken too much from her.

 

Soon enough wheels are crunching along gravel and finally pull to a stop. They all pile out of the Humvee and SUV s and form a line, each soldier and agent prepared to give it all. No one makes a move until Non breaks formations and shoots toward Kara.

 

Everything erupts into chaos. The ground thundering underneath the footfalls of the alien soldiers. Alex rushes into the fray, her guns ablaze as she pulls the trigger taking out one alien after another. Once her pistols are spent she slips them back into their holsters and draws her sword.

She spins and twists, slicing a path through the foot soldiers. That's not to say she isn't without wounds. She has a knife wound to the side and several large gouges down her back but she keeps moving, keeps trudging onward, the sword becoming a little bit heavier as she does. There are explosions that rock the battlefield, the DEO using grenades to subdue the aliens and try to lessen the body count. Soon most of the foot soldiers are either dead or captured. Alex glances around the field, noting the bodies of aliens and agents alike. She also watches as Kara takes out Non, his body falling to the ground unmoving. Alex is happy but that happiness does not last long when she is grasped firmly by the throat and held aloft. Her booted feet kick wildly at her attacker yet do nothing. She hears words exchanged and watches as Supergirl tries to rush forward and save her but she won't let her be the sacrifice not here not now. She only hopes Hank can hear her as she mentally shouts _Get her out of here._

 

Alex watches as he nods imperceptively and wraps his arms around Kara, dragging her from the backwards. Kara's screams are loud making her heart clench but she needs to do this, needs to end this fight once and for all. She cranes her neck and sees that the remaining Kryptonians have formed in a group behind the one holding her. Without a second thought or a moment of hesitation Alex pulls the pins on the Kryptonite grenades on her belt.

Hearing the pins release, she wriggles the clasp holding the grenades free and they fall to the floor. She only has ten second now.

 

It seems she startles the Kryptonian as he throws her to the ground, away from him. The impact jars her and she feels something snap under the pressure. Shakily she tries to drag herself from the blast but knows this is the end, here and now. Kara is screaming loudly, her wails filling the air as the grenades detonate. Searing pain envelopes Alex before she slips into nothingness her last thought of Astra and how she wishes she could see her just one last time.

 

She awakens to the sound of a monitor beating and her whole body feels like its on fire because of the pain. She knows she is not dead, but she wants to know who the hell saved her. Whoever the fuck it is is gonna get a piece of her mind. She opens her eyes and is momentarily blinded but she hears the words Brave One and feels as if she is going crazy. Astra can't be here, not now. However once her eyes adjust she can clearly see the woman who has stolen her heart perched on the edge of the bed.

 

“Astra? How?” Her voice is trembling as she speaks. The other woman reaches out and touches her cheek and she can't help but lean into it.

 

“I died but by the grace of Rao I was able to return to you. You are lucky I was there to save you.”

 

Alex pulls away from the touch then, looking away from her love. “I didn't expect anyone to save me, I was going to die and I knew it. I was at peace because I knew I would see you.”

 

A gasp has Alex's head jerking up and she realizes that she and Astra are not alone. Kara is in the room and heard her admission. “What the hell Alex? You can't die, I need you.”

 

“Kara you've never needed me, you only thought you did.” Kara goes silent when she realizes that Alex is right.

Astra speaks up then, “I need you Brave One, promise me you will not do anything so reckless again. I can not bear to be without you. The time apart has been too much.”

 

Looking up into the eyes of the woman she loves the answer is easy, “I promise.”

 

With a smile on her face Astra leans down and kisses Alex. It's soft and tender, full of promise.

 

Alex knows that for now things have taken a step backwards but she is eager to explore theses new beginnings with the Kryptonian who stole her heart.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys I really hope you liked this. I got some inspiration from the song The First Defeat by Noah Gunderson. Anyways any comments or constructive criticism is appreciated.


End file.
